The Four Biggest Myths about Divorce Mediation

1.  Mediation is mainly for the “easy” cases, and won’t work for people who are very angry and in high conflict.  

2.  Once lawyers are hired, mediation is no longer an option.

3.  When a couple needs a number of sessions, mediation ends up being just as expensive as litigation.

4.  Mediation is ineffective when there is a power differential between the parties.

MYTH #1

Mediation can be very successful with the “tough” cases.  Mediators use a number of skills to help people discuss the issues more productively than they have in the past.  Some of these are: reframing the conflict as a mutual problem, remaining future focused, structuring the discussion, and caucusing.  Not every mediation results in full agreement, but often communication is opened up sufficiently for parties to reach agreement outside of the sessions or with some help from their lawyers.  According to research, most participants state they would choose to mediate again if a conflict arose in the future.  

MYTH #2

The Court is always happy to see divorce litigants settle their disputes on their own.  Mediation can take place after both parties have retained attorneys, and the attorneys can act as advisors and supporters of the participants.  Most mediators ask participants to put litigation on hold until the mediation is complete.

MYTH #3

One reason mediation is less expensive is that one professional is hired rather than two different ones.  Even when attorneys are used as counselors providing direction to each party, mediation is usually still less expensive than litigation.

MYTH #4

This is certainly a serious concern, but one must work with it because there is nearly always some power differential between two people.  A skilled mediator helps to even that out by ensuring both voices are heard and no one is bullied, encouraging parties to obtain outside consultation that strengthens their confidence in their position in session, and by conducting the meetings in a manner that ensures fairness of the process.