High Conflict Couples

 Sometimes there is a history of distrust, betrayal, or abuse, and the level of conflict is very intense, long-lasting, or both.  In these situations it is unrealistic to expect a few hours of mediation to heal all wounds and restore the couple to a congenial relationship. 

The goals are usually limited in some way, possibly to resolve the immediate disagreement at hand and set up a line of communication that is civil, or to eliminate the wrangling that occurs in the presence of children.  With high conflict couples, the hardest part is to assist the couple to talk about the issue at hand, and not to dissolve into the blame game or repeated telling of the story of what happened.  

Most high conflict couples needs more sessions than other because of the time it takes to recover every time one person opens up the other's wounds in session.  The mediator isn't a magician, but a skilled professional will set a tone of calm, intervene if discussion veers into abuse, and acknowledge feelings without getting mired in them. 

High conflict couples are the most likely couples to fall into extended and outrageously expensive litigation battles, each person hoping the Court will eventually vindicate them.  Unfortunately, this vindication in court rarely happens, as the courts usually do not punish the person who has had an affair, and does not proclaim out loud who was to blame for the ending of the marriage.  Sadly, the funds spent on extended litigation could far better have served the children for college funding.

Mediation often works for high conflict couples, as long as neither person feels safe and does not fear physical or mental retaliation.  Family Mediation Services has worked with many high conflict couples over the years, and often the couples themselves are surprised they are able to come to resolution.  Ms. Zinner's training and experience as a therapist, as well as specialized Parent Coordination training, comes in handy in these situations.