How to Help A Valued Employee Survive a Divorce and Become Productive Again

By Roslyn Zinner, LCSW-C

The work performance of one of your key employee's is suffering. You may have noticed lower concentration, emotional highs and lows, increased minor illnesses, excessive sick days, or increased disorganization.  Then you found out the employee was having problems at home and that a divorce was in the works. What should you as a manager do?

First, you need to understand the psychological reasons for these changes. This will enable you to respond more effectively to your employee's current experience.  People going through a divorce often use war metaphors ("a nasty battle”, "fought it out in court") or insanity metaphors ("feel like I’m going crazy").  Why?

Of all the crises we face in our lives, separation and divorce may be the most devastating.  Like the death of a loved one, in divorce we experience painful loss and significant life changes. In addition, divorce brings anger and conflict to the surface, often overlapping into the workplace. 

Your employee may be struggling with 3 issues:

1.       Loss – Your employee experiences the loss of the relationship and his vision for his future family. 

2.       Change- He or she may feel basic trust in people and commitments is shattered.  There is adjustment to new roles, responsibilities, problems, and living situations.

3.       Emotional roller coaster – The employee goes from rejection and self-doubt to anger and rage.  These often lead a normally stable person to perform erratically and to display mood swings. The employee may begin to doubt their competence and may have trouble getting along with co-workers.

Unfortunately, because these feelings are so raw and powerful in the first few months of a marital breakup, they often spill over into the workday.  Employees who are normally able to maintain a clear separation between work and personal life may lose the ability to do so. 

Second, simply being aware of and sympathetic to these dynamics can be of enormous help to the employee. When you show your employee that you care about them as a person, they will in turn be more committed to maintaining high work performance despite the crisis. Indeed, their long-term loyalty may be greater when they feel supported by administration during a difficult time.

On the other hand, realize you do not need to listen to problems daily or function as their therapist. It is appropriate to insist on the separation of work/personal life that is usually followed in your work environment. You have the right to limit discussion of personal problems among employees when it interferes with work tasks or morale.

If you discover your employee has no one to talk to, you may suggest they seek out a friend, a relative, or a therapist.  They may not be aware of employee assistance programs that can help.  Allowing sufficient time off for medical, legal, or counseling appointments will pay off in the long run in helping your employee regain their normal productivity. 

Third, you should also be aware that the typical divorce litigation process is structured to be antagonistic. Each side struggles to win in an adversarial situation.  This additional stress and conflict will exacerbate the employee’s already precarious emotional stability.

You may be able to suggest a better alternative of which your employee might not be aware, divorce mediation. In mediation, both husband and wife meet with a neutral third party who is trained to help warring partners reach a mutually agreeable resolution.  Both the emotional and financial costs are greatly reduced.  Because resolution usually occurs within 10 sessions, your employee may return more quickly to stability and normal work performance.

Remember, if possible, to keep your employee’s work assignment as familiar and routine as possible.  This is not the time to spring a large, new project or expect the usual level of creativity, as energy is being siphoned off dealing with these problems.  Remind him or her more often than usual of their value to you and the company.  Expect mood swings but make clear you expect them to be under control and not affect coworkers.  If other employees approach you with complaints or questions about the employee’s behavior, you must respect the employee’s confidentiality yet indicate that the person is in a situation requiring additional patience.

Realize that this difficult phase will not last indefinitely.  With empathy and clear expectations from you, your employee will weather this crisis and become productive again.