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| HOW IT WORKS | BENEFITS | CHILDREN | YOUR CHOICES | COSTS | ||||||||||
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Mediation helps you |
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Resolve
your parenting plan (custody)
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Developing a Parenting Plan What are your goals for your children after separation? Examples of possible goals: children’s
needs come first, stability, consistency,
peace, involvement from both parents, love,
values, predictability, cooperation between
parents, change as minimal as possible,
shared decisions by parents, discipline,
time with parent, limits.
A good Parenting Plan will describe how you and your
co-parent will handle any of the following
items that are relevant to your children.
Some of the possible items included
are:
1.
Access to Outside Information and
People:
o
Teachers,
doctors, school reports, medical reports,
school conferences
o
Informing
the other, consulting with each other about
major decisions
2.
Medical Concerns:
o
Routine
decision-making, notification, legal
consent, who stays home when child is sick
o
Emergency
contact numbers for school
o
Extended
family arrangements
o
Method
of scheduling and notice of health care
appointments
o
Selection
of health care professionals, tutors,
doctors, therapists
3.
Daily Schedule:
Typical week
o
Where
are the children when
o
Clothing
and other belongings - 2 sets or one? Who is
responsible for them?
o
Transportation-
pick-up and drop off arrangements
o
Others
authorized or restricted from transporting
the children
o
Child’s
special activities (birthday parties,
sleepovers)
o
Mode
for changing the schedule in a particular
week - for more time, if work interferes,
emergencies
o
Who
arranges coverage if needed
o
First
option to care for children in absence of
direct care by other parent
o
Telephone,
email, IM contact access
o
Access
to child’s sports games, recitals,
performances, etc.
o
Babysitters-
right of other parent to claim that time
before a sitter is engaged
4.
Holidays- Take precedence over normal
schedule?
o
Birthdays
– parties with Mom and Dad, separately?
o
Thanksgiving
o
Christmas
Eve, Christmas Morning, and Christmas Day
o
Easter
o
Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur, Chanukah, Passover,
other Jewish holidays o School breaks for Winter and Spring, other School holidays- ˝ days, teacher holiday
o
Mother’s
Day and Father’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor
Day, July 4th
o
New
Years, Valentine’s Day, Halloween,
5.
Vacations and Travel
o
ok
for one parent to take the children out of
town, and for how long, amount of notice to
other parent
o
Travel
within US or internationally
o
Who
holds passport for child
7.
Education
o
Public
school or private school
o
If
private school, who pays
o
Religious
education
o
selection
of school or day care provider
o
Special
educational needs requirements – tutoring,
IEP
6.
Decision Making – Who makes and how
o
Religion-
how child will be raised, specific religious
attendance, or events such as Bar Mitzvah,
communion.
o
Exposure
to any other religion of other parent or
extended family
o Medical treatment-when non-emergency: joint decisions or one parent has final say
o
Discipline
– same rules in both houses, or each
parent makes their own rules?
Support each other’s discipline
decisions, i.e. if grounded in one house,
same in other?
o
Safety
–any relative the children should not be
left alone with or ride in car with?
o
Extra-curricular
activities
o
Same
rules of discipline and chores in both
houses or up to individual parent
7.
Communication
o
Type
of communication between parents - no
arguing or raising voices when children
present, civil and business-like as much as
possible
o
Not
quizzing children regarding activities of
other parent
o
How-
phone, in person, notes, email
o
Not
using child as messenger
o
Not
criticizing other parent to child or
allowing the child to do so
o
Regular
communication conference?
8.
Renegotiation of parenting plan
o
Periodic
review of plan, or as needed
o
Building
in flexibility
o
Children’s
needs change – how to deal with that
o
Parental
Change of Residence- distance, restrictions,
notice to other parent
o
How
residence of child would/would not change if
parent moves out of town
o
Any
party as tie breaker if no agreement
o
Return
to mediation if unable to agree
9.
Relationships in child’s life
o
Fostering
relationships with other relatives,
grandparents, access and visiting
o
Supporting
relationship of child with opposite parent o Presence of new girlfriends or boyfriends with the children- overnights, daytime activities- how to intro these people to kids before and after divorce.
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